Week 5 Assignment: Smarter Headlines
Examples of Poor Headlines
Headline: Learn how to protect your back at girls night out
Problem: Awkward wording and connotation for reader
Solution: Girls Night Out promotes bone health
Source: Savannahnow. com, September 20, 2012
http://savannahnow.com/effingham-now/2012-09-20/learn-how-protect-your-back-girls-night-out
Headline: Tiger Woods rallies at Tour Championship, still trails
Problem: Misleading and confusing for reader. Doesn’t lead with actual angle of article
Solution: Despite rally, Tiger Woods still trails at Tour Championship
Source: USA Today.com, September 22, 2012
Headline: UNC-Chapel Hill Head to Go, Campus Fans Say No
Problem: Some verb confusion. Awkward flow with rhyme scheme
Solution: Campus fans say no to resignation of UNC chancellor
Source: Associated Press, abcnews.go.com, September 22, 2012
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/unc-chapel-hill-head-campus-fans-17298450
Week 5 Assignment: Article Update
Original Link and Excerpt:
(I found the original piece effective in the sense that the author used headings to organize specific types of technology users, but I felt it would be better using lists within each sub section.)
How to Avoid a Smartphone’s Bite
By Seth Kugel
nytimes.com, September 18, 2012
The Semi-Connected
You don’t feel the need for constant connectivity, and can wait until you’re connected to your hotel’s or hostel’s Wi-Fi network to call home, check e-mail and plan the next day’s activities.
What you should do: Once you connect to Wi-Fi, e-mail, Web browsing and online chat are free. But phone calls are not, so be sure you have an account with an app like Google Voice or Skype that can dial out to real world numbers. Calling the United States is as low as one cent a minute; calling other countries (like the one you’re in — to make dinner reservations, to check on hotel vacancies, and contact local friends) is usually something like one-tenth the price of the standard cellphone plan.
Choosing the company is a matter of personal preference. Google Voice has lower rates than Skype to virtually every country and is especially easy if you already use Gmail. Skype is reasonable too and maintains a loyal following. There are many other competitors, and all them claim to be revolutionary and cheap, but I’ve yet to find one that can beat the reach and dependability of those two.
Keep in mind that while offering “free Wi-Fi” is practically an industry standard at budget hotels, and even some campgrounds, it can mean many things. A system that’s always online, is acceptably fast and actually works in your room (rather than the lobby) seems more the exception than the rule.
Finally, when you go out for the day, bring your smartphone along for emergency calls and even for the occasional 50-cent text message if you make local friends or split with travel companions and need to meet up. Just be sure the international data roaming is turned off.
Revised Excerpt:
The Semi-Connected
You don’t feel the need for constant connectivity, and can wait until you’re connected to your hotel’s or hostel’s Wi-Fi network to call home, check e-mail and plan the next day’s activities.
What you need to do:
- Connect to Wi-Fi for free email, Web browsing and online chat
- Use apps like Google Voice or Skype instead of using your phone to place calls
- Check with your hotel about its Wi-Fi capability prior to arrival
- Bring your smartphone for emergencies but make sure international data roaming is off
Week 5 Writing Assignment: New Headlines
3 New Headlines for Article Excerpt:
1. Rivera calls for a comeback despite knee injury
2. Yankee closer calls for a comeback
2. Rivera set to close another day: Yankee veteran declares his return despite knee injury
New Headlines for Week 2 Writing Sample:
Original Headline:
Lessons of a proper beach bum
Revised Headlines:
1. A proper playground: Wrightsville Beach teaches lessons in life and leisure
2. Wrightsville Beach boasts history and home
3. Wrightsville Beach native finds tranquility in tradition
A Proper Playground: Wrightsville Beach teaches lessons in life and leisure
Wrightsville Beach Sound Side
I learned to drive a boat before I learned to drive a car. I learned that a bathing suit and a t-shirt can be proper dinner attire.
I learned that it is perfectly acceptable to have hurricane parties as long as you put the children under the dining room table.
I learned that girls can fish just as well as boys, and that the Coast Guard will call my parents no matter how much I beg.
I learned that no matter how old I get, sitting on a dock, staring out over the water, is the best – and cheapest – therapy possible.
I learned that no matter how far inland I go, the smell of salt water in the air will always remind me of where I have been – and where I always want to come back.
Growing Up Coastal
I was born and raised in Wilmington, NC, so close to Wrightsville Beach that I was allowed to ride my bike to weekly sailing lessons. My family has called Wilmington home for three generations, so I was not only expected to live the legacy but to understand the legacy.
My hometown is a city steeped in history, in large part because of its connection to the Cape Fear River and the Atlantic Ocean. Those bodies of water have shaped our land, economy and tradition for generations. And one body in particular shaped my life.
To be from a beach town is one thing, but to be from an old Southern beach town presents a dichotomy all its own. I grew up appreciating the ease that comes with living in such tranquil surroundings while still being expected to uphold the virtues of a true Southern lady.
So though you might find me still in my bathing suit at dinner hour on a humid July night, you would never find me in jeans at my grandmother’s for Sunday lunch.
And though you might believe me if I told you I could bait a hook faster than any boy on my street, you would be wrong if you believed I ever called one of them on the phone anywhere in the vicinity of my mother.
I realized at a young age that I was expected to grow up with a love of the sea Ernest Hemingway would appreciate and an attention to Southern decorum that Emily Post would approve.
The Home
As a child, I found the beauty in growing up steps away from the water. The iron mouth of the drawbridge connecting Wilmington to the shores of the Atlantic was a daily image for me.
And though a tad intimidating for a small girl, I welcomed the site of the enormous panels rising into the sky every hour on the hour because it meant someone was heading full sail a little further down the Intracoastal Waterway .
At 31 years old, I still strain my neck to see what impressive vessel is sliding under me as I wait for my turn to cross. Even now I secretly want to yell out to the bridge when I pass under it, just like I did when I was a kid, to hear the echo of the bridge returning my hello.
I am not the only child or the only thirty-something to find this fondness for our home. The beauty here lies not just in our proximity to the shore, but in the ways people have been enjoying that proximity for decades.
The History
I loved to hear my grandmother recounting her days at Wrightsville Beach. She spent her summers hopping on trolley cars for short rides to The Lumina, the original beach club of the era.
There she would spend all day swimming in the waves and sunning on the shore and all night dancing with men in white tuxes and tails to the sounds of Big Band masters like Guy Lombardo and Louis Armstrong.
And though The Lumina wasn’t around by the time I was making my first trips to our playground, those stories still made me revel in the tradition that I was continuing.
I never wore a gown and pearly gloves to a beach party, and I don’t recall dancing with any men dressed in tails. But I did dance, and I did swim and I did enjoy the magic that my grandmother experienced decades prior.
I see these traditions come full circle in our albums of photographs dating from the late 1920s up until just this summer, all of which depict my family’s days at the beach.
As I look through, I observe that with the progression of time, the people in the photographs change, the styles of bathing attire evolve and the shape of the shoreline bends.
The Tradition
My grandparents’ Wrightsville Beach did not include string bikinis or three frozen yogurt shops in a one mile radius. I don’t require a dance card when I go to King Neptune’s to have a beer.
Yet still, when I sit on the porch of The Carolina Yacht Club with my friends, smiling at how lucky I am to be there, I know that some sixty plus years earlier, my grandparents and many others were doing the same thing.
And it is in this respect that the pictures, and especially the traditions, never completely alter when it comes to my hometown.
Without a doubt, the photographs will show my grandfather holding a high ball with bourbon and water because you just don’t mix good bourbon with anything else.
My grandmother will be eyeing him to make sure there is a cocktail napkin under that high ball because you just don’t serve a drink without a napkin underneath it.
My mother will be setting out a plate of deviled eggs or ham biscuits because if we have a beach picnic without at least one of those delicacies, the world as my family knows it would end.
And my uncles will be letting me do or have something I’m not supposed to have, which typically amounts to a beer in a bottle, not a glass.
The Legacy
Though time changes the face of these memories, and the place itself, the sentiment is always the same.
There have been, and still continue to be, so many moments where the sea is the backdrop for my many family adventures, and for the adventures of any who call Wrightsville Beach home.
In many ways, it was those moments – those long standing traditions – that made me who I am, maybe even more so than the location itself.
I believe that for me, the beach set the tone and the history set the standards. And in the end being there with my family made the person.
Hi Susan
Hi Susan-
I really love your piece. It is so rich in imagery! The descriptions really brought me to the place and time you were remembering. I especially liked the depictions of the “brown box” that was your television set as well as the descriptions of the rocking chair and footstool. These sentences immediately took me into a specific time period, and I found that extremely effective when striving to understand and even sympathize with the individuals and situations you mentioned. I actually feel that my own piece is lacking in this way because I was more general in my descriptions of where I grew up. I like that you pinpointed not only a time in your life, but a time in history, so that the reader can understand both the personal and historical significance of this story.
I also felt your use of first person point-of-view was very effective. I think most of us went in that direction with these pieces, but I especially like the way your voice came out in this. I have never met you or heard your voice, but still, your writing and your perspective allowed me to feel as if you were sitting in front of me telling the story. I think writers often assume that a first person narrative will give you that to the reader just by the nature of the point-of-view, but I believe that it takes more than that. And I believe you utilized this perspective in such a way that really added strength and depth to your writing.
In conjunction with the point-of-view, I found the use of dialogue in certain places to be very effective. I looked for ways to do that in my piece, but could not quite get it to fit with the style and structure I was after. But I feel you really incorporated this well, and it added to the voice I was already hearing in your first person point-of-view.
I think you sentence structure is nice and the overall flow is very effective. I did notice a couple of places where there were a series of longer sentences containing lists mixed with shorter sentences. I think it is great to vary sentence structure like this, but in some cases in your piece, I thought you might want to look at how those types of sentences are mixed. It may be a case of reading them out loud and seeing how they fall so that they do not disrupt the lovely flow you have established.
The descriptions of Doris are great, and such that I feel as if I have a real understanding of who she was and what she meant to you. The main paragraph where you introduce her and her specific traits was strong. I did feel though that having so many sentences beginning with “She was…” or “She had…” may have taken away a bit from the overall power of this section. I love the use of repetition in writing, which I’m sure you noticed from my own first paragraph. So I enjoyed the method, but thought maybe using the repetition in some other way that was more active or that used less of the personal pronoun would be stronger there.
I also really loved the progression of the story. I felt that you started light and was able to build to the heavier moments. I found this effective because you grabbed my attention and got me into the story, but were smart to allow me to connect with Doris and your relationship with her before you took me through the harder, more personal side of the story leading to her death. It is not an easy task to make a general reader care about a person or a situation to whom or to which they have no direct connection. Yet, I feel you have achieved that very task because of your structure and story progression. I did notice that the transitions from one point of the piece to the next became less strong towards the end, so that may be a way to build on what is already working so well for you.
Thank you so much for this piece. I am so glad to have read it, and in turn learn more about you. I too had a woman like Doris who helped raise me. She actually raised my mom and uncles as well. I thought this was a lovely look at her life as well as how she effected yours. I again want to point out how strong your sense of historical and personal narrative is and how well that works for this piece and this assignment. I do wish I was able to give more of that in my own writing, so your work definitely helped me to see how to achieve that. Great job!
Lessons of a Proper Beach Bum
This piece would extend to a publication such as Wrightsville Beach Magazine or other local publications. It is a personal account of growing up in Wilmington and Wrightsville Beach, NC. Through a first-person account it underscores the history of this beach town while also examining how growing up in a southern coastal locale can be more than just sand and waves.
Tags: Wilmington, NC, Wrightsville Beach, NC, The Lumina
I learned to drive a boat before I learned to drive a car. I learned that a bathing suit and a t-shirt can be proper dinner attire. I learned that it is perfectly acceptable to have hurricane parties as long as you put the children under the dining room table. I learned that girls can fish just as well as boys, and that the Coastguard will call my parents no matter how much I beg. I learned that no matter how old I get, sitting on a dock, staring out over the water, is the best – and cheapest – therapy possible. I learned that no matter how far inland I go, the smell of salt water in the air will always remind me of where I have been – and where I always want to come back.
I was born and raised in Wilmington, NC, so close to Wrightsville Beach that I was allowed to ride my bike to weekly sailing lessons. My family has called Wilmington home for three generations, so I was not only expected to live the legacy but to understand the legacy. To be from a beach town to some extent is exactly what anyone might assume, but to be from an old Southern beach town presents a dichotomy all its own.
I grew up learning to appreciate the ease that comes with living in such tranquil surroundings while still being expected to uphold the virtues of a true Southern lady. So though you might find me still in my bathing suit at dinner hour on a humid July night, you would never find me in jeans at my grandmother’s for Sunday lunch. And though you might believe me if I told you I could bait a hook faster than any boy on my street, you would be wrong if you believed I ever called one of them on the phone anywhere in the vicinity of my mother.
Yes I learned the beauty of being a step away from the water, but I also learned the tradition in which Wrightsville Beach and Wilmington are steeped. And in that I learned I was expected to grow up with a love of the sea Ernest Hemmingway would appreciate and an attention to Southern decorum that Emily Post would approve.
For me this comes to life in memories of my grandmother recounting her days at Wrightsville Beach. Her summers were spent paying a nickel to ride a trolley car to The Lumina, the original beach club of the era. There she would spend all day swimming in the waves and sunning on the shore and all night dancing with men in white tuxes and tails to the sounds of Big Band masters like Guy Lombardo and Louis Armstrong. And though The Lumina wasn’t around by the time I was making my first trips to our playground, those stories still made me revel in the tradition that I was continuing. I never wore a gown and pearly gloves to a beach party, and I don’t recall dancing with any men dressed in tails. But I did dance, and I did swim and I did enjoy the magic that my grandmother experienced decades prior.
I see this in our albums of photographs dating from the late 1920s up until just this summer, all of which depict my family’s days at the beach. As I look through, I observe that with the progression of time, the people in the photographs change, the styles of bathing attire evolve and the shape of the shoreline bends. Yet there are some things in these pictures that never alter.
My grandfather will be holding a high ball with bourbon and water because you just don’t mix good bourbon with anything else. My grandmother will be eyeing him to make sure there is a cocktail napkin under that high ball because you just don’t serve a drink without a napkin underneath it. My mother will be setting out a plate of deviled eggs or ham biscuits because if we have a beach picnic without at least one of those delicacies, the world as my family knows it will end. And my uncles will be letting me do or have something I’m not supposed to have, which typically amounts to a beer in a bottle, not a glass.
Though time changes the face of these memories to a certain extent, the sentiment is always the same. There have been, and still continue to be, so many moments with the sea as the backdrop for my many family adventures. In many ways, it was those moments – those long standing traditions – that made me who I am, maybe even more so than the location itself. It’s as if the beach set the tone and the history set the standards. And in the end being there with my family made the person.
bethswindelljomc 